Dear Diary | An End to My Biggest Uncertainty | PR Grant

10 June 2021


Last Saturday morning on 5th June, I was in my bed checking my email on my phone. Literally when I was at my inbox, I watched this email titled 'IMMI Grant Notification' coming in. O.M.G it's here! 😍

I opened the email and as I expected - 820 granted!! 💃

When I was still admiring the grant, 30 seconds later, I heard another email coming in. I was like, 'Wait, is this what I'm thinking...?'

I went back to my inbox, and... %&$#*(^% 

exactly it was another 'IMMI Grant Notification'?! My heart was racing as I opened the email -


I could.not.think. could.not.breathe.

It took me 5 minutes before my brain processed what happened and I started screaming into my pillows.

I'm a PR now?! HOW 🤯😭😭😭

It's so surreal how my life has changed since I left home 'temporarily' in 2020 just before covid.

It has been a mentally-challenging journey. All the uncertainty, feeling of trapped, depression, fear, countless arguments, resentment, feeling of worthlessness.

Many times I felt like all hope is lost but God came through for me.

I came to Perth without the intention to settle down here so soon, without being prepared to deal with this history-changing global pandemic away from home, in a new place where you struggle to find your own feet. Bf lives here and I was happy flying back and forth Malaysia-Australia until I am ready. But pandemic forces you to make important decisions.

With my visitor visa expiring in January, being bound by border and immigration restrictions, I was left with not many choices. Our priority was for me to stay here as the last thing we want is for us to be physically apart during this pandemic. 

I still remember last year when seeking advice, no migration agent supported our idea of applying for a partner visa. I didn't have many choices and eventually we still pushed ahead and decided to lodge the application by ourselves. No agent no lawyer.

Knowing that the visa costs AUD8k / RM25k, I was committed to give my 1000% to this ‘big project’ once it was lodged.

(It was also a way for me to distract myself, at the same time we were hoping that this visa application would help me with my sense of belonging.)

6 months, everyday, day and night I was researching, planning, establishing our timeline, digging through EVERY SINGLE footprint of our relationship since 2016, brainstorming, compiling as much evidence as I could, and presenting our application as detailed and organized as I could. 

It was a battle full of uncertainty and anxiety.

With all the sudden pressure coming from the visa, the pandemic, and problems that happened after moving in together, so many times I nearly walked away from the relationship.

Having read how difficult and time consuming this partner visa process is (usually takes years, even for married couples with kids), NEVER in my wildest dream did I expect to get a double grant right away.

I never planned to be where I am today, but God just works in his mysterious ways.

Not lucky, but blessed.

Truth is, throughout most of my time here, I was living in denial. My mind was stuck with friends, family and all the unfinished things back home. For my wellbeing, I knew I NEEDED a short trip back home before settling down for good.

For a month, with my partner visa in process, I worked on the Malaysia Exit Pass and Australian Travel Exemption (Inbound). I prayed for whatever plan He has for me to get me out of this 'mental' ordeal.

In early May, I got them all approved after two attempts - which means I could travel home and return here without border restriction issues - it was like a dream come true after struggling for so long!

My friends and family were so excited to hear that I would be going home soon.

Exemption to exit Malaysia & enter Australia

However, just when I thought things could go as planned... Malaysia’s third wave started. 

I'm surprised my brain still had the ability to remain rational. Looking at the cases rising, I opted not to head home (for now). I understand it wouldn't be wise for me to fly home during this period.

Yes I was disappointed to cancel my plan. But believe it or not, having this option and freedom to choose has helped me greatly in shifting my mindset.

Now it is me who chose to stay, instead of me being placed in a situation where I don’t have a choice but stay in a place I never intended to be.

Having an option is a privilege.

Being able to choose something implies freedom and control over your own life.

Having the ability to follow your intention and do what you choose to do is a luxury.

It feels like the burden of denial has been lifted off my shoulder. I feel incredibly different and better as a person 🌻 - after letting go of all these thoughts that stop you from moving forward, picking yourself up and seeing purpose in life again.

Another good thing that came out of my decision to stay back is that I got to submit my final visa document (Japan Police Clearance), and 5 days later, I got my visa grants. 💫 How incredible.

1.5 years of feeling trapped and not being able to move forward,

1.5 years to learn to accept my circumstances and to live in harmony with them.

I know I’m not the only one. It sucks to feel stuck during unprecedented times like this. Take your time, research your heart, cry if you want to, sit by a window, watch the trees. Pray if you are a believer.

It's okay to go at your own pace.

When you feel lost and unsure of things, hold on.

God has a greater plan for you 🕊


Refer to this post to see how I prepared for my Partner Visa 820/801 application. <3

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